Netflix Rapid Fire Reviews - December '07

Paris Je T'aime
A movie comprised of twenty short films by the likes of Joel and Ethan Coen, Wes Craven, Alfonso Cuaron, Vincenzo Natali, and Gus Van Sant sounds like something that should be right up my alley. Unfortunately, I found Paris Je T'aime to be less than stunning. I fully expected to come away from this film with a few set lists of which shorts I loved, which I only just liked, and which I didn't find at all enjoyable, but instead I walked away having not been particularly impressed by any of them. Sure, some were better than others, but all in all I found Paris Je T'aime to be a rather sub-par experience. Movies can be good and movies can be bad, but one of the worst things that a movie can be is forgettable.


C.H.U.D.
C.H.U.D. (or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) is a classic example of eighties low-budget filmmaking. Rubber monster suits, bad acting, over-the-top scenarios, and heinous editing plague this movie, but unlike most films of this era and production value, C.H.U.D. actually has a fairly decent story. The general concept is that some greedy public servants have been storing toxic waste under the streets of New York City which has taken on the curious side effect of turning homeless people who reside in the sewers into angry, mutated freaks. The real problem with C.H.U.D. is a lack of focus. Scenes happen that have no real reason to and end up not effecting a single thing in the story. For example, there's a scene in which a woman is sprayed with blood that comes shooting out of her shower drain, but in the next scene she seems to have completely forgotten about it and just gone about her day. On the surface C.H.U.D. sounds quite dumb, and it may well be, but with the proper budget for some decent effects and a couple of worthwhile actors, this could have been a horror movie classic.


The Last Man On Earth
It has often been said that George Romero borrowed heavily from The Last Man On Earth while crafting his horror classic Night of the Living Dead, and having now seen both movies, I can back up that statement one hundred percent. The first film based upon the book which also inspired both The Omega Man and I Am Legend, The Last Man On Earth is considered by some to be the first zombie movie. While Vincent Price's character refers to the creatures in the film as vampires, they are actually more similar to their undead counterparts than any relative of Count Dracula's. Prince spends his nights hiding from the nocturnal monsters and goes outside during the day to gather supplies and kill his then-slumbering enemies. The film plods along a bit slowly and Price's acting is campy to say the least, but considering the time that it was made, The Last Man On Earth is a rather successful film. If nothing else, I didn't see the twist coming at all and I respect the filmmakers for going with such a dark ending.


Panic In Year Zero
Imagine if the stereotypical, middle american, corn-fed 1950's family (a la the Cleavers) were on a car trip to the mountains for the weekend when their hometown was attacked by nuclear bombs and you should have a good idea of what Panic In Year Zero is like. An average family is forced to resort to extreme measures to survive in the wake of a nuclear disaster as society crumbles around them. Simply put, this is one of the campiest films I have ever seen, and if it hadn't been included on the same disc as The Last Man On Earth when I rented it, I probably never would have watched it, much less heard of it. All taken into account, for all of the uber-cheesy moments and scenarios Panic In Year Zero provides, it was entertaining to see how people viewed nuclear war and it's effects at the time when it was made. A film like this could never be made these days, which makes it a completely unique viewing experience for anyone who was born well after it's release like myself.


Funny Games (1998)
A German family (mother, father, and son) retreat to their vacation home only to be attacked and tortured by a pair of young men who seemingly have no motive whatsoever to their actions. In the wake of recent films such as Saw, Hostel, and Touristas, many people have taken to using the phrase "torture porn" to describe this new genre of violent, shock-value driven movies. While Funny Games certainly fits within this label, it came out in 1998, well before the genre truly began to emerge as an ever-growing fad. The intensity of Funny Games doesn't come so much from blood and guts like those newer films, but more from the insanity of the situation at hand. The antagonists of the film don't seem to function like normal human beings and appear to have no remorse or weaknesses whatsoever, making them perhaps the most painfully evil villains I've ever seen in a movie. The film isn't magnificent, but if I had to pick it's biggest downfall, it would be that one of the characters breaks the fourth wall multiple times during the film, stepping outside of the boundaries of reality as set up over the course of the plot. These instances are distracting, confusing, and just plain unnecessary. If you're into "torture porn", track down a copy of the hard to come by Funny Games and delight to the suffering of your fellow man.


Silent Running
In the distant future, the Earth has become a wasteland where no plants or animals can possibly survive. In an attempt to preserve the planet's flora and fauna, several artificial forests are kept in large domes attached to a group of spaceships which are floating around the universe waiting for the day that Earth is deemed habitable again. With the project's budget growing thin, the decision is finally passed down to abandon the forests, blowing them up in space and returning their desperately needed ships to be used for another cause. Unable to accept this inevitability, a single astronaut defies his orders and kidnaps the last remaining forest, rocketing off into space unwilling to let Earth's legacy die. I absolutely love the concept of this film. It's only real drawback is that it was filmed in the early seventies, resulting in some extremely outdated visual effects and technology. As such, while I quite liked the film, this is a rare case in which I would actually like to see a remake. At the same time though, I know that if my wish were to come true, Silent Running would transform from a thoughtful, dramatic bit of science fiction into an action-packed interstellar chase scene.


Goodfellas
Ray Liotta, Robert DeNiro, and Joe Pesci play mobsters in a film directed by Martin Scorcese. Need I say more? Just as was the case with Scorcese's film Casino, every single thing about Goodfellas is excellent, so I don't even know where to begin my review. Suffice to say that at two and a half hours, Goodfellas is a movie that you have to be in a certain mood to watch, but when you do it is a singularly fantastic experience. I've never been much of a fan of mobster movies, but Scorcese has obviously gotten the formula down to a science. This film is full of rich characters, memorable scenes, and amazing directing and editing, along with Scorcese's patented music cues, montages, and voice-overs. Ray Liotta tends to be hit or miss, but as Goodfellas undeniably proves, when he hits, he hits hard. Pesci and DeNiro are spot on as always, and the rest of the cast is filled with amazing talent, including a blink-and-you'll-miss-him cameo by Samuel L. Jackson. It doesn't get much better than this, folks.


The Brood
One of the earlier films in writer/director David Cronenberg's career, The Brood is obviously a stepping stone toward his later masterpieces, but it shows that at the time (the late 70's) he had some room for improvement. The Brood involves a high-concept that practically oozes the name Cronenberg. A new form of therapy called Psychoplasmics has been discovered by an eccentric doctor which allows troubled individuals to cure themselves by expelling their inner problems as physical manifestations. For one such woman who was abused as a child and hides strong inner turmoil, her mental pain is manifested in the form of demonic children whom she births in a truly shocking and horrifying manner (which is the highlight of the film when it is revealed). Her ex-husband must combat these demon children and the woman's possessive doctor to save their child from her misdirected wrath. The Brood suffers more in the writing department than anything, remaining just slow and confusing enough at times to make the viewer squirm on the edge of boredom. Things pick up dramatically at the end of the film though, leading to a truly memorable confrontation with the demon children and their sick mother. A true sci-fi/horror fan will appreciate the originality and disturbing nature of the film's concept, but I certainly wouldn't recommend The Brood to everyone.


Robot Jox
In the future, wars aren't fought on battle fields, they're fought on giant outdoor sports arenas. Battles aren't fought by armies of men, but instead by giant robotic battle suits piloted by Robot Jox. In this film we follow a famous robot pilot by the name of Achilles as he battles for his country against his arch rival Alexander. Robot Jox is by no means a masterpiece, but as a child of the pre-CG era of action and sci-fi movies, I couldn't help but smile with glee as director Stuart Gordon employed every hands-on special effect at his disposal to make the film's giant robots come alive onscreen. Miniatures, forced perspective, green screen, and stop motion animation were the driving forces behind my enjoyment of this film, but the laughable acting and it's overtly late eighties/early nineties qualities certainly helped. The average movie-goer most likely won't find anything remotely redeeming about Robot Jox, but watching it for me was one of those oh-so-sweet moments of "it's so bad, it's good."


High Plains Drifter
The plot description for High Plains Drifter on Netflix reads, "Amid shoot-outs and existentialism, a mysterious stranger is hired to protect a small town from outlaws. But his recipe for defense could be a deal with the devil..." Unfortunately I took this statement seriously and was very disappointed to find that there is nothing at all supernatural about the film. It's got Clint Eastwood in it though, so it can't be that bad, right? Well, it really can. Maybe I would feel differently if I hadn't had the misconception about the movie that I did going in, but either way this film starts out pretty good but quickly devolves into a long, boring drag right up until the silly ending. Clint Eastwood's acting was essentially spot on as usual, but the story was weak and the directing didn't really do anything for me either. Maybe I've been spoiled by Sergio Leone films and perhaps Clint Eastwood just hadn't grown much as a director before helming this movie, but any way you cut it, I was not a fan of High Plains Drifter.


Miller's Crossing
I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Coen Brothers are hit or miss for me. Some of their movies are among my favorites of all time and some of them I wouldn't watch again if someone paid me to (okay, well maybe in that case...). Miller's Crossing falls somewhere in between those two extremes, but slightly more on the side of the latter. There isn't a single bad performance to critique, the directing is interesting and snappy, and there are some truly brilliant moments in this film, but I still managed to be rather bored by it. Don't worry; I'm as perplexed by writing that statement as you undoubtedly are reading it. I suppose the only remaining culprit that could possibly have soured me on the film is the story, which I honestly don't even remember that well just a short time after watching it, so I guess that's what is to blame. As I said, there were some entertaining scenes and moments, but the plot threads that were supposed to hold it all together didn't really rope me in, I guess. I did have a blast watching Sam Raimi (director of The Evil Dead and Spiderman) get mowed down by a comical amount of tommy gun fire, though.


The Bride of Re-Animator
The original Re-Animator is a diamond in the rough among the hordes of cheesy B horror movies produced throughout the past three decades, so it pains me to say that this, it's first sequel, doesn't come close to carrying the torch. Taking over from the original film's director, Brian Yuzna and the writers of The Bride of Re-Animator essentially seem to have tried to re-make the first film for fear of upsetting fans by straying too far from the previous story. I have no idea if this is true, but this movie just seemed too damn similar to The Re-Animator. It also got a little too ridiculous for my taste. I understand that this may sound odd considering that we're talking about a movie in which a mad scientist brings dead people back to life, but when the decapitated head of the villain from the first film is brought back with bat wings sewn to the sides of his face and begins to fly around smacking into the main character, I stop giving a damn about what I'm watching. If possible the acting seems to have gotten worse since the first go-round as well. In all regards The Bride of Re-Animator is simply a shadow of the former glory that the first film brought to the series.


Beyond Re-Animator
Much like The Bride of Re-Animator, Beyond Re-Animator almost doesn't deserve to share the same name as the first film in this series, however I managed to enjoy it a little more than it's precursor. This time around Dr. Herbert West is placed in prison for the murder of a young woman by one of his undead subjects. Many years later a recent med school graduate is hired as the new staff doctor at the same prison and gets mixed up with Dr. West and his crazy experiments, which he's continued for years in secret within his jail cell. CG effects are introduced to the franchise with this film, but in such a way that they surprisingly manage to help the look of the film rather than hinder it. The real problem with this film is that it was filmed in Barcelona, Spain, which the filmmakers tried and miserably failed to pass off as the American midwest. Aside from the two main characters of the film, none of the cast could speak passable English, so the majority of the dialogue was horribly dubbed, making the movie more of a laughing stock than it already was. Even with the terrible dubbing, the semi-original story and new setting actually places this film slightly higher than The Bride of Re-Animator in my opinion, but not by much.


Psycho (1998)
I'm sure I'll get some shit for this one. As much as I'm sure that everyone is familiar with Alfred Hitchcock's classic suspense thriller Psycho, I have to imagine that everyone is equally aware of director Gus Van Sant's critically annihilated shot-for-shot remake. As the phrase "shot-for-shot" suggests, Van Sant's 1998 version of the film is more of a plagiarism than a remake as very little about it was actually "remade". Just as in the original Psycho, a bank employee makes off with an investor's money to begin a new life with her boyfriend, but goes missing shortly after checking into the Bates Motel. Multiple people forbade me from ever seeing this film, but my sheer curiosity as to how Vince Vaughn could even begin to attempt to pull off the role of a cross-dressing murderer drew me in and I found myself watching what I believe is one of the most unanimously hated movies of all time. What did I think of it, then? It wasn't all that bad. I think that the main thing that Gus Van Sant did wrong had nothing to do with how he shot the movie or who he cast in it, and everything to do with the fact that he tried to remake something which so many people viewed as a case of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". The remake of Psycho could have been the best movie ever made, but the majority of people would still have hated it because it wasn't the original Hitchcock film. Fortunately for me, I don't hold the original Psycho in a particularly high regard among Hitchy's collection of screen gems, so I was able to look at Van Sant's version with an essentially clear palette. The directing suffered somewhat from Gus' insistence upon following so closely to Hitchcock's original, but was overall not bad. The soundtrack and story stayed essentially the same, which was fine by me, though I still had the same problems with the film's ending that I had with the original (namely the "here's where we explain the plot for all of the idiots who didn't get it" scene following the climax). As this was a remake, these problems with the film should have been fixed, but once again Van Sant was too busy trying to make a veritable duplicate of the 60's Psycho to dare to improve upon it at all. William H. Macy was as good as he ever is (which is great) and Viggo Mortensen and Julianne Moore were okay in their roles. Anne Heche was wasn't bad, but I would have preferred a different actress based on the idea that her character was supposed to be a beautiful young woman (burn!). And finally, Vince Vaughn? I thought he made a pretty good Norman Bates. His haircut alone was enough to scare me.


Police Story
Inspector Chan single-handedly arrests a high-powered drug lord, but due to a series of slight legalities, he manages to get off the hook. With the recently freed drug lord and his henchmen after him at every turn, Chan must now rescue his informant, save his relationship with his girlfriend, and find the proof he needs to put the criminal away for life, all while saving his own neck. Jackie Chan is famous for his incredible stunts and fight choreography, but of all of his films that I've seen, this one has the most amazing action of all. Sure the plot is kind of weak, but the fight scenes more than make up for the movie's poor writing. The main scene that comes to mind when I think of Police Story is the climactic hand-to-hand battle between Chan and a gang of henchmen in a shopping mall. For about seven straight minutes I couldn't close my jaw as it hung open in awe of the action taking place onscreen. In my youth I recall having a blast watching Jackie Chan's antics in poorly dubbed action movies, but seeing not only his physical, but dramatic and comedic performances in Police Story gave me an all new respect for the man.


Grave of the Fireflies
After their town is struck by a bombing during World War II a Japanese brother and sister are left orphaned and homeless. This film follows the unfortunate pair through the weeks and months following the loss of their home and family in an unforgiving, war-torn countryside. After watching Grave of the Fireflies, I have one question: "Why was this an animated movie?" It is my feeling that a story this tragic and horrifying could have been told better in live action. I won't deny that amazing strides have been made in depicting emotions in animation over the years, and I love animated films as much as the next guy (if not more), but in my opinion this was not a story that was meant to be told in 2D. The animation was rather solid, but during extreme moments of emotion I just wasn't feeling the grief and depression that the characters were supposed to be going through. Add to this that the voice acting was far from perfect in many places, and I just couldn't take Grave of the Fireflies seriously a lot of the time. It's hard for me to rate this film because it had as many good things going for it story-wise as it had bad things going for it aesthetically. Grave of the Fireflies is not necessarily a movie that I'd readily recommend to most people, but it tells a story that I won't soon forget.


Police Story 2
Despite his outstanding results at catching criminals, Inspector Chan's unorthodox methods have gotten him demoted to a traffic cop. However, with his former nemesis on the loose once again and some new criminals blowing up buildings around town, the force has asked him to take up his old position to help them once again bring justice to their district. Police Story 2 has it's moments, but the simple fact is that it's not on quite the same level as it's predecessor. There are some good, original, entertaining action scenes as is the case with any Jackie Chan film, but none of them seem to be on the same level as the first Police Story. The biggest letdown for me was the fact that the climax of the film wasn't as much of a hand-to-hand masterpiece as the previous film. There seemed to be more stunt set-ups and less balls-out combat. Also, the fact that the ending took place inside of a fireworks factory, which cries out over-the-top stereotype, cheapened the experience a bit for me. Police Story 2 is a decent sequel and certainly better than a lot of the action films out there, but following up the original Police Story is not quite a task that this film was up to.


Mad Max
Max Rockatansky is a member of a police force in the not-too-distant future of the Australian outback. He chases down biker gangs and brings tough justice to an unruly society until one such gang claims the life of his partner and he decides to quit the force. After trekking to a distant location, Max's wife and child are run down and killed by bikers, which sends him on a rampage that won't stop until he gets revenge. I couldn't site any specific references, but over the years it seems like Mad Max is one of those movies that people tend to talk about as a classic, groundbreaking film. To those people I say "bullshit!" Mad Max was a disastrous mess of a film. It's horribly shot and even more heinously edited. It's as though someone found a jumble of film reels in the garbage and tried to see what they could piece together out of them, and Mad Max is what they came up with. The plot doesn't really even begin until Max's wife and child are murdered, and that doesn't happen until about the last half hour of the film. Up until then the pacing was atrocious and tough to sit through. The ending is the only good part of the movie, but as it comes at the end rather than the beginning or the middle, I wouldn't be surprised if most people who sat down to watch the movie didn't make it far enough to see it. Mad Max earns points for taking place in a dystopic future, having some pretty cool car crashes, introducing the world at large to Mel Gibson, and for leading the way for an outstanding improvement of a sequel, but that's about it.


The Gate
A pair of young boys manage to accidentally open a gateway to hell in their backyard, unleashing various demons and other unsightly creatures upon their home. With no parents at home for the weekend, only our two pre-pubescent heroes and an older sister/babysitter are left with the responsibility of closing the gate and trapping the demons in hell. The plot sounds like a great movie for a bunch of kids to watch during a sleep over, and that's just about the only audience that I can imagine finding any enjoyment in this film. A few impressive visuals aside (namely a melting telephone and some good stop motion and camera tricks), I was not only bored watching The Gate, but a little embarrassed. After all, the kids in the movie decide that by reciting the lyrics of a rock album they can seal the gate and save the Earth, and it turns out that they're right (sorry to ruin the ending for any potential pre-teen interested parties out there). There were some incredibly eighties outfits, phrases, hair styles, songs, and scenarios in The Gate to keep me occupied during some scenes, but through most of the film I found myself simply trying to imagine how the child actor who played the main character grew up to be Stephen Dorff.

What I've Been Watching in 2007: A Year In Review

Of the hundreds of movies released in 2007, I saw a total of 25 films in the theater (one of which I saw twice). In addition to those, I rented 14 more 2007 movies, downloaded 7 others from the internet, and bought one new direct to DVD release this year. Overall that means that in 2007 I saw 47 of this year's numerous and varied films. While I have yet to see every movie that I wanted to this year and I've come nowhere close to seeing them all, it is customary among both film critics and the blogosphere in general to compile a list of the best and worst movies of the year, so that's just what I've done.

Without further ado, I give you the official What I've Been Watching's Best & Worst Films of 2007:

THE BEST OF 2007

10. Futurama: Bender's Big Score
This was not a theatrical release, which would probably count it out of the running for most peoples' "Best Of" list, but when you get right down to it, Bender's Big Score was simply better than most of the movies that actually played in theaters this year. I've been a fan of Futurama from it's days on syndicated television and ever since the show was cancelled after it's fourth year I have pined for more. Bender's Big Score not only brings back all of the characters that I loved from the show, but it continues Futurama's history of combining, beautiful visuals, hilarious laughs, and interesting concepts. It's like the show never went away.

9. 3:10 To Yuma
The western genre largely died out in the seventies, giving way to an insurgence of science fiction and action movies in the wake of films like Star Wars and Dirty Harry. With as little interest in cowboys as there seems to be in today's high tech world, when a western comes along these days that is as well-made, well-acted, and exciting as 3:10 To Yuma, the world tends to take notice. If you've heard a lot of people talking about how great 3:10 To Yuma is, there's a reason for it: because it's true.

8. Zodiac
David Fincher has been my favorite director for several years now, and there's a reason for that. Every time he directs a movie it is both thought-provoking, beautiful, and enthralling to watch. Even after a five year wait, Zodiac is no exception to this rule. Some movie-goers point their fingers readily at Zodiac's running time when asked why they didn't like the film, but my feeling is that if a story needs more than two hours to be told, who's to stop a movie from telling it properly? After all, it's not about how long a movie is, it's about the quality, and I'd be hard-pressed to name a Fincher film that didn't serve up plenty of it.

7. The Host
Simultaneously a heart wrenching drama, a bellow inducing comedy, and a fear inducing horror film, The Host quite literally has something for everyone. There are so many things to praise this film for that I hardly know where to begin. The design of the movie's monster is amazing, and while the special effects aren't always perfect, the intricacies of it's character will win you over immediately. The story is told magnificently, the visual style is nothing short of amazing, and the way it juggles so many different genres while remaining a solid piece of filmmaking are proof positive that The Host belongs on anyone's list of the best movies of 2007.

6. Ratatouille
Even the most generic and dull titles in Pixar's library of computer animated movies are still some of the best examples of the CG corner of the film industry, so when the story matches the incredible quality of the studio's patented amazing visuals, the recipe is one of success. Perhaps the best of all of Pixar's movies, and most definitely the best looking, Ratatouille is yet another triumph for not only the animation company, but writer/director Brad Bird. Full of laughs, drama, and suspense, Ratatouille is quite literally fun for the whole family.

5. Spiderman 3
Verbally pummeled by the masses and proclaimed an embarrassment to the franchise by millions of former fans, Spiderman 3 has been the subject of more debates in 2007 than perhaps any other single film. While I would agree that Spiderman 3 is a weaker film than both of the previous installments of the series, that by no means should suggest that it is a bad film. With just as much (if not more) action and laughs as Spiderman and Spiderman 2, the third episode of the current Spiderman trilogy is not a perfect film, but despite the few holes in it's plot it manages to far surpass the majority of the other films released this year...at least in my eyes.

4. Superbad
The reason that I loved Superbad so much has nothing to do with Judd Apatow or any of his previous successes and everything to do with it's story and it's stars. The script captures perfectly what a large percentage of high school males are like, right down to the filthy, degrading language that so many viewers were apparently turned off by. Translating the script into onscreen gold are two of the film industry's most promising up-and-coming comedic talents and a cavalcade of hilarious supporting characters. All of the specifics aside though, the reason that Superbad is among my favorite films of 2007 is that it made me laugh harder and more frequently than any movie has in a long, long time.

3. The Mist
Put simply, The Mist is a textbook example of what a horror and/or monster movie should be. Too many films in these genres these days rely on shock value, violence, and gore to get their audiences' attention, when they should be taking a page out of Stephen King's book (literally). Balancing the gore with suspense and the horror with drama, The Mist creates an atmosphere so unforgiving that one can easily forget that they're watching a movie. As a huge fan of monster movies, the sheer joy that I got out of watching the events of The Mist unfold cemented it's place in my list of the best films of 2007.

2. No Country For Old Men
The moment I heard that the writing and directing team behind Fargo and Blood Simple were producing a new crime drama, No Country For Old Men had already taken a few steps toward my best of 2007 list. Not only is this film excellently paced, superbly acted, masterfully directed, and flat-out gorgeous; it's also smart. There is something so rewarding about watching an intelligent film, especially in the crime genre, and No Country For Old Men delivers on this claim in spades. Movies like No Country For Old Men are what the feature film medium was invented for.

1. Grind House
I would have been sold after hearing Quentin Tarantino's name. Add all of the other names attached to this project and it's kind of hard to ignore it. I'm sure that I'll get flak from people for naming this the best film of 2007, considering that in reality it is actually two movies instead of one, but to those people I say, "I paid for one movie when I went to the theater to see Grind House." I've been asked numerous times by numerous people whether I preferred Death Proof or Planet Terror, but I say this as honestly and straight forward as I can: I liked them both equally. They are very different from one another and each have their own strengths and weaknesses, but all taken into account, they're just two halves of one incredible whole called Grind House and that's the way I will always think of this movie. For this reason, Grind House was my favorite film released in 2007.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

Disturbia

Hot Fuzz

I Am Legend

Rescue Dawn

Sweeney Todd


THE WORST OF 2007

10. Mr. Brooks
What I had hoped would be a thought-provoking look at the modern day serial killer instead turned into a stereotypical, overdone, flashy piece of crap. Demi Moore stunk up the screen and neither Dane Cook, Kevin Costner, nor William Hurt could do anything to save Mr. Brooks, nor did they particularly seem to want to.

9. The Number 23
Had this film not followed the "How To Pull Off A Twist Ending The Fight Club Way" handbook like every other suspense thriller these days seems to, The Number 23 could have been a great, intriguing film. Jim Carrey is great up until the ending, as is everything else about The Number 23, including the story. Unfortunately somewhere along the way a crucial decision involving the plot was apparently left in the hands of a moron with no ideas of his/her own.

8. Next
Strike one: Nicolas Cage is the star of this film. Strike two: Lee Tamahori directed it. Strike three: someone tried to adapt Philip K. Dick's short story The Golden Man into an action movie. There really isn't a single part of Next that could come close to redeeming it other than Jessica Biel's ass. It's kind of hard to focus on it when Nic Cage is in the room mumbling his way through a script as bad as this one, though.

7. Blades of Glory
Take two genuinely funny actors, get them together in a room with silly outfits on, and then bend over and literally shit the most generic script possible out of your ass for them to act out. What really makes a film worth watching is when it tries to achieve something new and interesting. With that in mind it's really no surprise that Blades of Glory was so terrible.

6. Vacancy
As is the case with literally every single one of the titles in my list of the worst films of 2007, Vacancy suffers most from the fact that it is nothing more than a cheap attempt at capitalizing on something similar that was popular once. There are at least twenty or thirty films about people being chased by murderers that are better than this one.

5. The Hills Have Eyes II
Who should we get to play the hardcore military personnel in our action/horror movie? The most unrealistically beautiful people we can find regardless of their ability to deliver an even remotely believable line of dialogue? Great idea! There's just nothing new here. I'm running out of things to say about these piece of shit movies. They're all the same, and THAT's the problem!

4. The Reaping
If you want to know why this movie is so bad, just watch it and count the stereotypes. If I knew you could make money selling unoriginal scripts like this to movie studios, I would just write one movie about a demonic child and print out fifty different copies with the characters' names changed on each one and make millions.

3. Pathfinder
Unlike several of the movies in my worst films of 2007 list, Pathfinder actually looked like it could have been a good film. Native Americans versus vikings in the dark ages? That could be good. Considering the quality of films like Braveheart and Apocalypto, there's no reason why I shouldn't have suspected prior to it's release that Pathfinder could have been a good movie. Of course, I didn't know who Karl Urban was at the time.

2. Ghost Rider
Nicolas Cage turns into a skeleton, catches on fire, and rides a motorcycle up the sides of skyscrapers brandishing a chain and a leather jacket to battle demons. Need I say more? Well, if you insist: it's directed by the guy responsible for Daredevil.

1. Shoot 'Em Up
I went into the screening of Shoot 'Em Up that I saw with really high expectations, and really, why shouldn't I have? We're talking about a movie starring Clive Owen as a guy who shoots tons of bad guys while protecting an infant from the evil Paul Giamatti. Really the only thing this movie needed to please me were good special effects and a passable story. Could the filmmakers be bothered to provide me with either of those things? Not a chance. The action looks terrible and the story is complete bullshit. I'd rather watch a movie with no plot than sit through that of Shoot 'Em Up again. With such a simple set of parameters to provide me, the consumer, with an enjoyable movie-going experience, the extraordinary cinematic failure of Shoot 'Em Up is simply insulting. Worst movie I saw in 2007, hands down.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

Shooter

The Simpsons Movie

Smokin' Aces

TMNT

Transformers


So there you have it. Everyone's list is bound to be different, so I'd love to hear how some other people would rank the movies they saw in 2007. Feel free to leave me a comment on this post to list off a few of your own personal best or worst films of the year or just to discuss some of my choices. Before you go berating me for leaving something crucial off of my lineup though, check out the following list which includes all of the films released in 2007 that I saw this year, but which didn't make it into either of my top tens.

Other 2007 Films that weren't the Best or Worst:

28 Weeks Later, 30 Days of Night, 300, 1408, Bee Movie, Black Sheep, Breach, Bug, The Condemned, Death Sentence, Fracture, Good Luck Chuck, Jackass 2.5, Knocked Up, Live Free or Die Hard, The Lookout, Sicko


***All of the information in this post is only accurate through December 31, 2007, after which time my opinions may change due to subsequent viewings.

Netflix Rapid Fire Reviews - November '07

Day Watch
The visual effects in Day Watch are as good as or better than those in Night Watch, this film's precursor. Unfortunately, unlike the last installment of the franchise, Day Watch has a slow-moving plot that manages to be even more confusing than the last time around. Perhaps the fact that so many new and interesting concepts and images were born in Night Watch hurt this movie because it didn't seem to bring much new to the table. It was still a visually impressive experience, most notably during the climax, which finally clears up a few hanging plot threads, but overall it felt stagnant and unsatisfactory.


Oldboy
Kidnapped and held against his will over a long period of time for reasons unknown, a man is finally released and given a limited amount of time to uncover the mystery behind his imprisonment. The mystery of Oldboy is just strange enough to keep your eyes glued to the screen with anticipation, and just average enough to keep you from seeing what you're truly in for. The plot of Oldboy is masterfully woven in such a way that when the answers to all the story's questions are revealed at the film's climax, they hit you in the chest like a ton of bricks. I desperately want to allude to the hidden and eventual tone of the film, but I dare not deprive anyone of the satisfaction (or horror) of witnessing it for themselves firsthand.


From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn marks the first occasion that I haven't been completely turned off to a performance by George Clooney, which can most likely be attributed to the script written by co-star Quentin Tarantino, who is (in my opinion) the runaway star of this film. A couple of criminals take a family hostage to cross the border into Mexico and then wind up fighting some vampires south of the border. The first half of this movie is well acted, professionally shot, and masterfully written, reminding me of why it's so fun to watch movies in which the bad guys are the leads. The second half of the movie is cheesy, ridiculous, and over-the-top (in a bad way), failing to provide a viewing experience that is much more worthwhile than any random B horror flick. From Dusk Till Dawn is seriously like two completely different movies rolled into one, making it hard to categorize. Simply put, I loved the first 45 minutes and hated the latter.


Hell Comes To Frogtown
In a post-apocalyptic future, Rowdy Roddy Piper is one of the few fertile men left on the planet and is forced to fight a gang of mutated frog people against his will in order to rescue some attractive young women who he must then have sex with to help repopulate the Earth. That really says it all, doesn't it? The frog effects are sometimes surprisingly good, but usually pretty bad, and oddly enough the same can be said for Roddy Piper's acting. This movie is cheap, absurd, poorly acted, and likely to offend a lot of people, but if you enjoy over-the-top exploitation and/or horror films along the lines of The Evil Dead or The Re-Animator, you're bound to get some enjoyment out of Hell Comes To Frogtown.


Lifeforce
The title of the novel upon which Lifeforce is based should at the same time give you an accurate idea of what the film is about and make you smile at it's blunt absurdity: "Space Vampires". Adapted by the men responsible for Alien (Dan O'Bannon) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Tobe Hooper), Lifeforce provides an enjoyable ride right up until the ending, which is when the story fell apart for me. The special effects range from laughable to really impressive as people are possessed, explode, and have the life literally drained out of them. Patrick Stewart makes a rather odd appearance in the film as does the well-endowed Mathilda May, who plays a female space vampire who is unabashedly nude for the majority of her time onscreen. Lifeforce has a decent plot, a few good visuals, and some neat ideas, but I couldn't help but get the feeling that the filmmakers never exactly figured out what type of movie they were trying to make; a science fiction/horror or a disaster film.


Deepstar Six
A deep sea research team becomes trapped inside their underwater laboratory with a large, bloodthirsty sea creature. It sounds as corny as it is. I recall loving this movie as a child, but over the years I really romanticized it. The acting is pretty weak, the animatronic monster (the little bit you actually get to see of it) is rather poorly realized, and the plot plods along way too slowly. There is one particularly memorable scene in which a man dies a bloody death due to explosive decompression, but outside of that, there isn't much to see here. A few more scenes with the monster and perhaps a better look at it toward the end would have done wonders for Deepstar Six.


The Tripper
The directorial debut of actor David Arquette, The Tripper is comprised of three fourths comedy (if you want to call it that) and one fourth horror. A bunch of hippies gather in the woods to attend a music festival hosted by Paul Reubens, but their fun is cut short when a psychopath wearing a suit and a Ronald Reagan mask begins killing the attendees in a variety of gory fashions. In my opinion, horror fans looking for a good slasher flick need not apply because The Tripper is more dependent on it's humor and political satire than blood and guts, but then again it's not very funny either, so I'm not really sure who the target audience is supposed to be. The hippie character played by Jason Mewes was the most interesting and likeable of the bunch, but exits the film rather early on, leading to what I found to be a snore-fest for the remainder of the running time.


Barton Fink
In 1941, New York-based playwright Barton Fink is invited to move to Hollywood, California to write some studio films, but quickly finds that working simply for a paycheck cannot compare with working for the personal pleasure of having created something unique and meaningful. I'll admit that by the end of Barton Fink I was completely confused with what I'd just seen, but that is not to say that I didn't enjoy it. Much like the David Cronenberg film Naked Lunch, I wasn't sure exactly what the director was trying to say, but I had a blast taking the stylistic, superbly-acted ride. A quick visit to the forums on IMDb clued me in to what exactly the Coen brothers were trying to say with Barton Fink, and that understanding made me like the film even more than before. Barton Fink is certainly not meant for the casual movie-going crowd, but if you like your movies to make you think, welcome to paradise.


Slipstream
I'll put it right out there: this is one of the five worst movies that I've ever seen. I was lured into Slipstream by Bill Paxton and Mark Hamill, but quickly realized what a dire mistake I had made. In this film, Mark Hamill is one of two bounty hunters who have tracked down and captured a rogue android. Seeing an opportunity to make some money by collecting the android's reward himself, bounty hunter Bill Paxton kidnaps him from his captors and takes off down the slipstream (a supposedly violent wind current that runs for hundreds of miles). The acting in this movie? Shit. The directing? Shit. Music? Shit. Story? Shit. Effects? What effects? There is not a single redeeming thing about this movie. It's confusing, but at the same time it's boring, so you'll never even care about clearing up your confusion. I can't stress this enough: stay away from this piece of garbage.


Blood Simple
The beginning of the Coen brothers' career is anything but humble. Blood Simple is a film about betrayal, revenge, and deadly misunderstandings. Expertly shot and well-acted, this first film from the directorial duo is an obvious precursor to such later films as Fargo and No Country For Old Men. Hence if you like those films, you'll love this one. The suspense and plot twists in Blood Simple had me grinning with delight throughout and the intense climax actually made me giggle with anticipation. Considering that this is the directorial debut of the Coen brothers, I feel like I should have something bad to say about it, but I really don't. Blood Simple is a fantastic film.


Dagon
Director Stuart Gordon takes yet another shot at adapting an H.P. Lovecraft tale to the screen. Following such horror genre greats as The Re-Animator and From Beyond, Dagon had a lot to live up to. Unfortunately, this story about a town of people mutating into fish creatures didn't exactly reach the level of quality that those other films managed. The acting in Dagon is okay and the direction is fine, but the real downfall of the movie are the effects. I can't help but wonder how much better Dagon would have been if Gordon had used traditional effects rather than CG for all of the big monster reveals. Aside from the effects being rather poor, the story plodded along at a snail's pace, so even though the plot was interesting, I felt like It could have been told in a better fashion. All in all, I would only recommend Dagon to diehard fans of either Stuart Gordon or H.P. Lovecraft.


Crimewave
What the hell is this movie? Co-written by the Coen brothers, Crimewave is director Sam Raimi's studio follow-up to the independent horror classic The Evil Dead. If The Evil Dead proved without a doubt that Raimi had what it takes to be a successful director, Crimewave serves only to attempt to prove that notion false. Somewhere between a film noir and an episode of The Three Stooges, Crimewave tells the story of a wrongfully accused man on death row as he relates the tale of how he ended up in his current predicament. Horribly dubbed dialogue, a plot that jumps all over the place from moment to moment, weak acting, cheesy comedy, and poor sound quality are only a few of the bugs that plague this farce of a film. It feels as though this was a crummy independent film and The Evil Dead was a Studio masterpiece in comparison. The only redeeming part of this film is the car chase at it's climax which manages some neat camera shots and a rather humorous fight scene. I think that even hardcore Raimi fans will find it hard to sit through this one.


Westworld
Tired of your day to day life? How would you like to live the life of a cowboy? Well in this futuristic thriller you can do just that by visiting a western-themed resort called Westworld. Realistic robots in cowboy get-ups allow you the opportunity to have a real shootout without hurting another person, and female androids provide uninhibited wild west style sexual romps. It's all fun and games until something goes wrong and the robots turn on the human guests of the resort. Westworld is a little slow at parts, but just about everything else about it is perfect. A great concept is pulled off via exceptional acting, fun action pieces, and spot-on directing by writer Michael Crichton. Most impressive is Yul Brenner's portrayal of a gunslinging robot with a grudge. Westworld is science fiction at it's best.


The Return Of The Living Dead
Ever wonder what George Romero's horror classic The Night of the Living Dead would be like if it were a comedy? Well, wonder no more. The Return of the Living Dead is Alien scribe Dan O'Bannon's take on the zombie genre, focusing more on the ridiculous situations that would arise from the dead coming to life than the serious and horrifying. Don't worry though, there are still plenty of disembodied entrails, exposed brains, and buckets of spilled blood to be found here (as well as one particularly impressive zombie known as the "tar man"). Set to a punk rock score and starring a band of leather and mohawk-clad youths, The Return of the Living Dead is a great addition to the zombie corner of the horror genre even if it isn't strictly a horror film.


Dead Heat
Remember when action movies in the eighties didn't need to make a whole hell of a lot of sense? Dead Heat is a perfect example of this. The title refers to the fact that a couple of cops (the heat) played by Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo are brought back from the dead to bring down the guys responsible for their demise. Joe Piscopo's ridiculous acting was enough for me to recommend this movie, but there are a few other redeeming factors, too. First and foremost is a scene in which all of the dead animals in a butcher shop are brought back to life to wreak havoc. The effects in this scene vary from sad to rather impressive, and until I'd seen it I had never thought that a skinned, headless cow could be so horrifying. Dead Heat is unabashedly cheesy and over-the-top, but the fact that it never quite takes itself seriously is perhaps what saves it from being unwatchable.


Maniac Cop
Like so many of Bruce Campbell's films, Manic Cop's budget is so low that you risk tripping over it if you're not paying attention. The idea is that a police officer has been killing innocent people throughout New York City and Bruce Campbell's character, an unsuspecting patrolman, gets blamed for it. Now he must hunt down the real killer, but when he does it may be tough to convince his co-workers that he's innocent because the actual offender is supposed to be dead. The direction, acting, cinematography, lighting, and dialogue in Maniac Cop are fairly bad, but the story is enough to keep it afloat at most times. As with many low budget movies that save all of their money for the action and effects shots, the scenes in between the (almost non-existant) action are rather dull. The highlight of the film for me was the climax which consists of a chase scene and an impressively shot stunt involving a pier, a van, and one hell of a brave stuntman.


The Man Who Wasn't There
A few times throughout his career, Billy Bob Thornton has proven that he's worthy of the highest praises that an actor can garner. Films that come to mind are A Simple Plan, Sling Blade, and now The Man Who Wasn't There. A film noir in every meaning of the term (including the fact that the entire movie is black and white), The Man Who Wasn't There follows a chain-smoking barber of few words through a series of events involving greed and murder. The Coen brothers have made some classic suspense thrillers over the years, and The Man Who Wasn't There fits perfectly among their previous successes. The acting, dialogue, and even line deliveries from the likes of The Sopranos' James Gandolfini and frequent Coen collaborator Jon Polito just scream film noir. The directing is on par for the brothers Coen, the film is visually stunning in simple blacks, whites, and grays, and the plot is riveting. Do yourself a favor and don't be the man who hasn't seen The Man Who Wasn't There.

Netflix Rapid Fire Reviews - October '07

Here I am again after a two month hiatus with some new reviews. Things are going to be a little different this time around, though. I revamped the blog a few months ago in hopes of revitalizing my motivation to review movies, but instead I just made more unnecessary work for myself. I've still got that little voice in the back of my mind telling me to shower my unadulterated opinions on people though, so I'm here to torture myself and my few readers once more. Here's how this is going to work:

Back at the end of September I signed myself up for Netflix account, which affords me the opportunity to view many of the films I've been wanting to see for the past several years with a great deal of regularity. In the spirit of continuing to review these movies, I'm going to be covering an entire month's supply of Netflix rentals in a single post. With so many movies to get through in such a short amount of time, each review will consist of only a few sentences or a paragraph. Also, despite the fact that I've never bothered to give the films I reviewed in the past a star rating, Netflix prompts it's users to rate every movie they receive in such a fashion so that they can recommend similar titles which might be to their liking. Since I'm already rating these films anyway, I figure I'll go ahead and put those ratings with these reviews as well.

I guess that's about it. Read on and comment if you like.

A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints
Sometimes touching, sometimes preachy, this autobiographical film based upon the autobiographical book by Dito Montiel tells the story of his youth growing up in Queens, New York in the 1980's. Great performances by Shia LaBeouf and Chazz Palminteri keep this film from falling apart and becoming a bit too self-indulgent, while the narration by Robert Downey Jr. feels a bit tacked-on and overly sentimental. Prepare to feel nostalgia for the eighties and leave this film with a pit in your stomach.


The Dead Zone
See my in depth review here.


Edmond
An interesting departure for director Stuart Gordon, whose movies tend to be of the supernatural and horrific sort. This film is not without it's fair share of horror and dread, though. Follow every-man William H. Macy through the eventful night following the realization that he hates his life and needs to seek change. Occasionally humorous and often uncomfortably disturbing, Macy makes the acquaintance of pimps, whores, con-men, and murderers over the course of a single night in this film based on the David Mamet play of the same name. Perhaps the best word to describe Edmond, both the character and the film, is "peculiar".


Network
Paddy Chayefsky and Sidney Lumet's mid-seventies look at the darker side of the mass media makes a number of startlingly accurate predictions about the future of television programming which have come to pass in the decades since it's release. Peter Finch's Howard Beale, a news anchor, begins to lose his mind and proclaims that he plans to commit suicide live on the air. His producers' first reaction to this is to take him off the air, but when word of his outburst gets out and ratings begin to soar, Beale's maniacal on-air displays are allowed to continue. Network dares to ask some pressing questions, and if they'd been as daring in providing their answers, this could have become one of my favorite films of all time.


Down In The Valley
See my in depth review here.


Stand By Me
Stephen King may be best known for his contributions to the horror genre in and out of the feature film industry, but it seems that his more widely loved movies tend to be dramas such as Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption. Stand By Me tells the story of four young boys on an adventure to find a dead body and the trials and tribulations their friendships endure along the way. This film perfectly captures the time period in which it takes place and has some memorable characters and moments, but I can't help but feel that to truly enjoy this film I would had to have seen it when I was, myself, a child.


Hard Boiled
With so many doves, dives, and dual pistols, this film could only be attributed to one man: John Woo. Hailed for it's over-the-top action scenes and modern take on the crime noir genre, Hard Boiled has secured it's place in history as the unofficial birthplace of a new wave of action films that would culminate with the modern influx of CG-enhanced gun-fu movies such as The Matrix. As it turns out, even after all the hype, the only real way to improve upon the action in Hard Boiled is to make use of digital effects and wire work. The action is truly inspirational, but the slow pace between these scenes holds this film back from being perfect.


Glengarry Glen Ross
If you can't stand fast-talkers and extended dialogue scenes, James Foley's adaptation of the David Mamet stage play Glengarry Glen Ross is not for you. However, with a cast consisting of such incredible talent as Alec Baldwin, Alan Arkin, Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Ed Harris, and Kevin Spacey, Glengarry Glen Ross is hard to pass up. When the higher-ups at a real estate agency challenge all of their employees to compete, with the best salesman at the end of the month to be the winner of a new car, all the rules and a great deal of sanity and common sense go right out the window. With every line of dialogue, each actor continues to upstage the last, but with so much talent carrying an incredibly uneventful and fairly unoriginal plot, the film can only go so far to improve upon the play.


The Deer Hunter
It is generally believed that as time has worn on, films have become more ambitious (often to their own detriment), but for it's time, The Deer Hunter really stepped out of the mold with brutal scenes of violence and terror. Unfortunately, the film's thirty-or-so cumulative minutes of shocking horror are surrounded by two and a half hours of boring, non relevant crap. Robert DeNiro, John Cazale, and Christopher Walken, for all they're worth, could not make the majority of this script interesting if their lives depended on it. After hearing for so long how revolutionary and amazing The Deer Hunter is, I was appalled to find that the first hour of the film revolves around a wedding scene. When the action and excitement finally arrive in the form of scenes which take place during the Vietnam war, they're over before you know it and the viewer is forced to sit through more dull, meaningless scenes that are supposed to invoke deep emotional feelings, but succeeded only in tempting me to use the fast forward button.


Hard Target
Lance Henriksen provides rich men with the opportunity to experience the act of hunting down and killing another human being by kidnapping homeless war vets in New Orleans and sending his clients after them with the weapon of their choosing. When one such unfortunate vet's daughter comes to find out what happened to her father, a drifter with martial arts training aids her in solving the mystery of his disappearance. Yes it's ridiculous and a step down for John Woo, who directed this, his first American film, but taken for what it is, Hard Target is a pretty fun watch. Lance Henriksen is the perfect creepy bad guy, Wilford Brimley is wonderfully wacky as a French cowboy living in the bayou, and there's no denying Jean Claude Van Damme's splits and mullet.


Ghost Dog: Way Of The Samurai
Saved from a gang as a child by a mobster, Ghost Dog grew up training to defend himself through the teachings of the samurai and now offers his services to his savior as a hitman. All good things must come to an end though, and now Ghost Dog has found himself on the receiving end of a mob contract, forced to fight back against his former employers. The mixture of samurai morals and beliefs with those of the modern day mafia and inner city culture is masterfully pulled off by indie sensation director Jim Jarmusch. Forest Whitaker proves that he can carry a film with facial expressions alone as the outspoken Ghost Dog, and surrounded by such rich characters as those who round out the cast, Way Of The Samurai is an enjoyable, original take on the age-old subjects of pride, friendship, and betrayal.


Death Race 2000
The tag-line for this 1975 B-movie classic really says it all: "In The Year 2000 Hit And Run Driving Is No Longer A Felony. It's The National Sport!" Five drivers race across the country at breakneck speeds killing pedestrians with their vehicles for points. David Carradine is the secretive, but incredibly likable hero Frankenstein, and in an early film role, Sylvester Stallone is his arch nemesis Machine Gun Joe Viterbo. The concept is cheesy, the special effects are so-so, and the acting is over-the-top, but if mindless violence and nudity get you going, Death Race 2000 is just the movie for you.


From Beyond
Another in a long line of modernized H.P. Lovecraft adaptations from low-budget director extraordinaire Stuart Gordon, From Beyond isn't as well known as it's predecessor The Re-Animator, but it's worth just as much admiration and fanfare. B-movie master Jeffrey Combs leads the cast as the lab assistant of eccentric scientist Dr. Pretorious, who uses science to tap into another dimension filled with inhuman creatures which are unleashed upon our reality. The special effects in From Beyond aren't top of the line, but as is often the case, their obviously cheap and hands-on nature makes them more enjoyable than those of most of the CG-enhanced movies of the past decade. There are no oscar-worthy performances to be found here, but the cast of zany characters provide a unique and wholly enjoyable viewing experience that only "so bad it's good" horror movies can.


Casino
Martin Scorsese is at his best when masterminding films about the human side of organized crime, and Casino is no exception. Robert DeNiro puts in one of his carreer-defining roles, as does Sharon Stone, but the standout performance here in my eyes is that of Joe Pesci. Combined with such great performances, Scorsese's time-tested method of combining snappy editing with perfect music cues and witty narration makes Casino an instant classic. I feel corny saying it, but being bad never looked so good.


Duck, You Sucker
For my money the best westerns of all time are the "man with no name" trilogy as expertly helmed by legendary director Sergio Leone. As such, I find it curious how the person who is responsible for such fun, exciting cinema classics can be the same man who gave us Duck, You Sucker. The name aside, I didn't find much to like about this film. James Coburn is never as likable in this film as Clint Eastwood is in the "man with no name" films, nor is Rod Steiger as entertaining to watch as either Lee Van Cleef or Eli Wallach. The story plods along and changes directions a few too many times for my liking, and even the score by the indelible Ennio Morricone quickly becomes more annoying than memorable. Unless you're a Leone completist, I would steer clear of this train wreck at all costs.


Apocalypse Now Redux
This is a tough call. Apocalypse Now was everything I ever hoped it would be based on the rave reviews I've heard it given throughout the years. Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall, Laurence Fishburne, and Dennis Hopper are all magnificent. The action, suspense, humor, and intensity were all there in the perfect proportions. Then came the dinner scene with the French people near the film's climax and the heretofore perfect flow came to an abrupt halt. Having never seen the original cut of Apocalypse Now, I can only hope that this scene is either nonexistent in that version or severely trimmed down. What would have been a perfect movie was completely ruined by this needless, boring scene which dragged along for much too long at a snail's pace. My recommendation? Avoid the Redux and watch the original.


A Fistful Of Dollars
A western remake of the Akira Kurosawa classic Yojimbo, A Fistul Of Dollars concerns an unnamed man who wanders into a town divided by two warring crime families. Playing the families against one another for his own personal benefit, Clint Eastwood's character seems to have bitten off more than he can chew right up until the showdown at the film's climax. Launching not only Eastwood's legendary feature film career, but also the trilogy of films starring his "man with no name" character, A Fistful Of Dollars is not only an extraordinary western, but also a downright amazing film and a perfect jumping-on point for anyone looking to explore the western genre.


Night Watch
What this film lacks in plot and storytelling, it more than makes up for in incredibly original concepts and wild visual effects. I'm not sure if that's necessarily a good or bad thing, but one thing's for sure, Night Watch is damn easy to look at. The forces of light and the forces of dark have been battling for centuries, blah blah blah. A child is the chosen one who will turn the tides, yakkety yakkety yak. We've seen this story a million times before, but what we haven't seen before are people turning into animals, people fighting invisible vampires, and one long breathtaking shot of a screw coming off of an airplane in mid-flight and falling all the way down through the sky, a flock of birds, and an air vent to eventually land in someone's cup of coffee. Simply put, if you can make it through the dialogue scenes of Night Watch, you will be rewarded with some of the most dazzling visuals and impressively original ideas this side of The Matrix.


For A Few Dollars More
The second film in Sergio Leone and Clint Eastwood's "the man with no name" trilogy of spaghetti westerns, For A Few Dollars More is perhaps my least favorite of the series. Up against such titles as A Fistful Of Dollars and The Good, The Bad,And The Ugly, this is not such a bad distinction, though. While it's my least favorite of the trilogy, it's still one of the best westerns I've ever seen. Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef play lone bounty hunters who are forced to team up to achieve their goal of tracking down an elusive thief, but can they really trust one another? This is the question that will plague you right up until the intense climax which, as with both of the other movies in this series, involves a teeth-grindingly suspenseful showdown.


Crimson Tide
Director Tony Scott is best known for directing over-the-top genre-bending thrillers such as Top Gun and Days Of Thunder, and Crimson Tide fits that bill quite nicely. This film takes a horrifying concept involving nuclear war and throws all validity out the window in exchange for cheap thrills and plot twists. Cheap as they may be though, they make for a fun viewing experience. Gene Hackman and Denzel Washington play the two men in charge of a nuclear submarine which has it's communications cut off during a transmission from HQ. Hackman hastily believes that their orders are to fire their nukes, while Washington would rather hold off on the launch until the orders can be confirmed. There's your conflict. I think you can essentially figure the rest out from there.


The Hunt For Red October
Based on the Tom Clancy novel of the same name, The Hunt For Red October follows CIA agent Jack Ryan, as played by Alec Baldwin, as he attempts to stop a potential attack on the United States by an experimental hijacked submarine under the control of the unstable Russian captain Marko Ramius. Where a film such as Tony Scott's Crimson Tide focuses more on the excitement and action aboard a submarine, John McTiernan's The Hunt For Red October takes more of a realistic, procedural look at how a disaster such as a nuclear submarine attack could be avoided. A bit too long and technical for it's own good, this film fell flat for me despite the noteworthy efforts of both Alec Baldwin and Sean Connery.


I Spit On Your Grave
A true grindhouse film, I Spit On Your Grave follows an independent big-city woman who rents a house in the country for the summer to work on her first novel in peace. Not long after arriving, the woman is brutally raped and nearly killed by four local men who she then proceeds to hunt and enact her revenge on. What makes I Spit On Your Grave a grindhouse film is the fact that instead of insinuating violence, this movie flat-out shows it happen. The rape scenes account for about a third of the film and the revenge scenes account for about another third. This means that more than half of this movie is devoted to bombarding the viewer with violent acts. There are a few parts that manage to be disturbing and a few that are more silly than frightening, but if you are at all squeamish, I Spit On Your Grave is certainly not the film for you.